這樣的日子不知道過了多少天了,想睡、打盹、無眠、飢餓、泡麵、咖啡、鉛筆、顏料、紙的紋路、指尖停頓、深夜趕稿、日出。
每日凌晨2:15的鬧鐘,幾次黎明4、5點從設院離開下山時的薄霧與冷風,打烊的店,深夜印刷,deadline。
討論時的沉默,鬱鬱寡歡,但又為了無聊小事瘋狂地笑。
一疊疊畫稿累積,但其實無形之中也錯過了許多。取捨、犧牲、惋惜、惆悵、徬徨、壓力、顧及與無所適從、選擇、堅持、意志力、告訴自己一切都會變好。
從暑假實習結束到現在不知不覺就過了大半年,繫絆的、憎恨的、成就的就只有一件事情其實就是畢業製作。大四的徬徨與失措就是,下一步到底該怎麼做?以及以後的我會在哪裡?你做的夢沒少過,但意識到現實與夢的差別也沒少過。其實也沒別的,找份工作、養活自己,怎樣的工作,怎樣的生活模式,還有到底要不要為了喜歡的事情堅持下去。
自我創作延宕停擺,錯失一場可能參與的展覽,意外收到一封Freelance Invitation,十分貧窮,還有到底要不要就這樣成為社會運作的小齒輪接下一份工作。
有錢沒錢,符合社會期望或是對自己誠實一點,我實在無法想像,無法想像這個僅僅再三個月後即將面對的未來。
好像就要失去一切,卻也擁有了可能的一切。
等待回歸獨自一人,理清思緒,再想著下一步該怎麼做吧。
Take me away.
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Angus & Julia Stone - Take You Away |
When you're feeling in the doubt
And your sky is grey
And the people that you love
Well they have nothing lovely to say
When your days are long
And lonelier than before
When your bed is cold
And the sheep are at your door
I'll take you away
I'll take you away
I'll take you,
I'll take you away
I'll take you away
When you're tired of working like a slave
And the smell of the coffee bean,
Well it just won't go away
And you friends, well they've got
Nothing good to say
You just call out my name
And I'll take you away
I'll take you away
I'll take you,
I'll take you away
I'll take you away
And I'll take you away
I'll take you away
I'll take you,
I'll take you away
I'll take you away